


gelignite, or, just another sentimental aside

by FreezingKaiju



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, F/F, Hospitals, Lesbian Day of Visibility, Medical, POV Souryuu Asuka Langley, Wistful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreezingKaiju/pseuds/FreezingKaiju
Summary: In the corner of a hospital room, Asuka Langley Soryu contemplates the mysteries of life, location, and Rei Ayanami.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Souryuu Asuka Langley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	gelignite, or, just another sentimental aside

Why was she here?

Why was she here, here being a hospital? When she loathed them beyond belief, when they reminded her so much of the worst parts of her mother’s decline?

Why was she here, here being a chair by Wonder Girl’s bedside? When she had rejected Asuka’s offer of friendship, when she did just about everything to piss Asuka off, when just looking at her made her face burn and her heart hunger for something unnamed and unspoken?

Why was she here, here being _alive_ at all? When she was the one who’d fucked up the angel attack, when she was right in the line of death, when Wonder Girl had barreled in out of nowhere to take the hit for her, her Eva collapsing on Unit 02 in just a way that it was the closest Asuka’d come to holding someone in her arms?

It wasn’t fair. It just…it wasn’t fucking fair! Asuka had to confront her about this. Had to ask her why. _Why, why did you do that, why are you doing this, why have we started getting closer, why do you make me feel like this?!_

She looked up from the floor, eyes locking on Ayanami’s sleeping (comatose? Please, no) face. It could’ve been minutes, hours, days, a week that she’d been laying here. If it wasn’t for the blood-soaked bandages and the beeping monitors behind, Asuka could swear she was just taking a nap. That she could shake her, and see those red eyes, and call her a name and have her retort, and banter just a bit, get back what little rapport they had that wasn’t stored in silent glances and clasped hands. She wanted to take Rei to an arcade, out to the country, to somewhere back in Germany, just to take Rei away from Tokyo-3 and stay away. Away from the Evas, away from their collective purpose, away to somewhere where the two of them could grow up and grow old, bickering and fighting and never leaving each other’s side.

She had to say something. She had to let it out.

“I–” she choked, cleared her throat, took a breath, and let it spill, “I don’t fucking get it. Why?! Why are you the whole world to me _now?!_ ”

Rei didn’t respond. She didn’t have to. Asuka wished she could find the answer with her, but that was wishful thinking. 

But if angels and souls and all that bullshit were real, maybe wishes were too.

**Author's Note:**

> HAROLD,,,
> 
> written for lesbian day of visibility. credit for the inspiration to @oldsouloldbones on tumblr. title is a reference to the song Bullets by Tunng.


End file.
